QUIT OR NOT TO QUIT? THAT IS MY QUESTION...

im confused. seriously. im already thinking of quitting in salinggawi dance troupe, after all the hardwork, late and tiring training, sleepless nights and body ache, fun moments with my fellow cheerleaders, more exposure inside and outside ust, learning new techniques and stunts, gaining new friends, staying fit and healthy, strengthening my body and stamina, sdt pride, and just being a member of the official dance troupe in ust, and a whole lot more...i am NOW thinkin of givin those up... yes... givin those up. :( this would be MY BIGGEST SACRIFICE if ever i choose NOT to continue my dancing career as a salinggawi dancer. among the 95+ applicants last june (third batch audition), i was one of the five fortunate applicant who made it, and now, only 2 of us are left. the 3 quitted already. our batch (cheerleaders '06) started from 20+ and now down to 17 (or less). wah!!! mas lalo akong napaisip kung itutuloy ko pa ba talaga ito o hindi.


my course is getting hard already and so is our training in salinggawi. unlike other courses kasi, mine is a whole lot different. i mean, i have whole day classes, then i have to do plateS pa plus scale model plus research, ofcourse kailangan ko talaga ng oras para dun. since the cheering compet (nonstop) is fast approaching, everyday na ang training...usually starts around 4pm and ends around past 9pm. (my class starts at 7a and usually ends at 4p, then after training nakakadating ako ng house mga 11pm, tas most of the time may plate pa na dapat tapusin pero pagod na ako nun) now can you imagine how am i goin to survive? i cant.


yes, i DO love to dance. i DO love to be a part of SDT (its one of my dreams that came true you know, plus its NOT as easy as it looks to be a part of this troupe, sobrang kailangan mo talaga ng determination, tiyaga, skill at sipag para makapasok), i DO want to perform with SDT during uaap, competitions and school performances, i DO want to have a full scholarship cause of gawi but how can i make all of these posibble if my future will be at risk, if i wont be able to pass in my course,,,shiiiit. i never thought it would turn out this way, i never thought it would be this hard to balance my time for studies and gawi. i never thought i will have to make huge sacrifices because of my dream and passion. if only you know what im feeling right now. its as if i wanna burst into tears and just let go of all the things inside my mind and wish that things get easy right away but i know its imposibble. i know its IMPOSSIBLE... ='( naiiyak na ako. sa totoo lang.


its so effin sad rin cause because of our training in gawi my social life is gone. literally speakin, my life is archi then gawi. yun lang, sobrang MINSAN na lang ako nagkakatime with my friends especially my barkada and also my family. totoo nga sabi ng mga batchmates ko sa sdt, "tayo2x na magiging magkakabarkada kasi tayo2x na rin usually magkakasama"...ofcourse for me, iba pa rin pag AF. iba pa rin pag AF Bs. my sisters in crime and lahat na. tas now that most of the Bs will be celebrating their debut, kasama ako sa dance part. syempre conflict sa trainin yung rehearsals nun...so gets...another sacrifice nanaman. ayoko na! sobrang gusto ko sumayaw para sa barkada ko but i cant..i just cant cause of trainin in gawi. shiiiiit talaga. naguiguilty ako... sobra... kaya nga naisip ko na magquit nalang ako para makapunta ako sa rehearsals for debut ng mga barkada ko. grabe talaga,,, naiiyak na ako. I REALLY DUNNO WHAT WILL I DO. please help me. pleaseeeee lang talaga.


napamahal na sa akin ang SDT miske hindi pa ako ganon katagal, kaya nahihirapan rin ako i-let go tas the mere fact na ako lang ang archi na gawi dancer parang ang laking accomplishment na yun but if thats the only way for me to be able to focus more in my studies and to have more time for myself, family and friends then let it be. haaaaaaaaaaaaay. ang hirap talaga,,grabe.


LORD, give me a sign. please. what should i do?.... ='C help.